I knew that he was the problem and not me

I have read many articles about victims of narcissistic abuse losing their identity and doubting their own mind so much  that they start believing that they are the person that the narcissist has constantly told them they are and so they start to blame themselves for the abuse thinking it is somehow their fault..

This did not happen to me as I knew exactly who I was and no matter how many times he would tell me that I was this or that, I always knew that he was wrong and that he was the problem! I never once doubted that either as he was the only person who I had ever met in my life that saw me in that bad light.

However I think that this made it harder for me as I would endure hours and hours on end of him constantly trying to brain wash me and break me into believing that I was all the awful things that he would tell me over and over again that I was and when I would not agree and accept it, his abuse continued and stepped up a gear. It was like torture!

In the early days I would constantly defend myself and express my thoughts on why I was not going to accept his opinions about me and justify myself in a non confrontational manner but it was draining.

After I had done this numerous times without any success,  I became more submissive in my response to his allegations and accusations and would no longer try to justify myself but I would still never relent and say that he was right.
As time went on and his abuse continued, I felt exhausted and so I did on occasions not even bother to justify or defend myself and just say nothing but I still would not submit and say he was right even though at times I felt that if I just agreed with him then he would stop his relentless torture in which he would repeatedly say over and over again in quick succession and in a way that he clearly was trying to provoke me as well as trying to confuse me by twisting the facts and my words.

I dont know how many thousands of times he told me that I was a liar, a cheat, selfish, manipulative, materialistic, egotistical, stupid and that I was fooling myself into thinking that I was someone that I was not. I did not however doubt for one moment that I was any of those things and although he was driving me crazy in other ways such as making me feel constantly anxious, in fear and resentful, I knew that he would never be able to make me doubt myself and who I was and he never did!