A change of scenery and tactics

Our time was up at the villa and after that too had now been tainted we decided that we needed a change of scenery to really clear the air between us and would go back to Golden Sands before returning to Byala in a week or so when the car would surely be fixed.

It was also an insurance policy for me to be in a more centralised location in the heart of a busy resort where I could leave if I needed to instead of being cut off in a remote area with nowhere to run to should he turn on me like he had done at the villa in the hills of Alen Mak.

The day we left the villa it was raining and we couldn't find a taxi that would take the dog and so it was agreed that I would walk to Golden Sands and Valeri would take a taxi with all of our bags.

It was a horrible walk to Golden Sands in the rain with Lula that took us nearly an hour and by which time we were soaked through on reaching the apartment which was a front line sea view luxury apartment albeit quite small with just one bedroom. However it was in the heart of Golden Sands, a stones throw from the beach and so close that you could hear the sea and it was dog friendly!

Valeri had dry clothes waiting for
me and even wrapped Lula in a blanket on the sofa to dry her off and after a warm shower he had made us lunch.

 It was looking like this was going to be a great time for us all but only if I continued to just go along with the majority of his plans and accept his rules to keep the peace which I knew I had to do as I was tired of fighting and it made life so much easier to let it go and go with the flow as that way he was a little more flexible and more open to my suggestions if I worded them correctly.  I also knew what battles I needed to lose in order to win one  that mattered more to me down the line.

To me I saw no value in fighting for my preference in mundane situations so I  just went where he decided  we should go, ate what he decided we should eat, did what he wanted us to do on a day to day basis.

I just went along with it as these things were no longer important to me if it meant that by getting his way, he would not erupt and we could have a peaceful day!

There were other things that I was not so happy to accept but I did so also in order to keep the peace such as him insisting that I showered my dog after every time I took her for a walk before letting her  go into the one room in the apartment she was allowed and on to the one chair where she had to stay and sleep!

I had to watch what he decided that we should watch on TV if we were to watch TV.

 I had to shower every night before going to bed regardless of whether I had showered an hour earlier and had not been out.

I had to go to bed at the same time as him when he decided it was time to sleep as he would just switch the lights out.

In the morning when I awoke which was always hours earlier than him, I had to wait until he got up before I could go out anywhere so usually sat on the balcony in silence with my dog until he was ready to get up.

He would insist on making breakfast so I had to wait until he got up.

He had the monopoly on using the laptop and despite it being my laptop, I could only use it when he didn't need to!

I had to leave the bathroom door open when I was in the shower and he would come and go into the bathroom as he pleased which wasnt so much of a problem to me to have him do so but more of a problem that he was doing it because he was exerting control over me!

However I would just comply with it all most of the time and then every now and then, I would put my foot down and test the water to see if these conditions were still as important to him now he was being complied with in so many other ways. More often than not he would relent a little and let it go on the odd occasion when I didnt shower the dog on entering the apartment or when I occasionally told him that I would prefer to stay up for a bit longer when he was off to bed or said I wanted to go straight to bed without showering again first! Of course I caveated them all with 'if thats ok with you' followed by a thank you!

It seemed to be working and he was happy and I was happy, well happier than I would have been for not towing the line which I was doing through choice for tactical reasons now and gaining more freedom in a way than resisting it and having it forced on me to comply with anyway through fear!

I was also aware that I was starting to accept that I could continue to live this way and that maybe it wasn't so bad as what other options did I have. My passport had expired. I was banned from driving and my car was racking up a huge bill but still not fixed and would remain in the garage in Varna for a few more weeks at least.

Noone was coming to help me and I felt like noone really cared either and that I was more of a hindrance to my family and friends who it seemed to me were tired of hearing about my problems!

I had to make to best of it as Bulgaria was now my home and I couldn't return to the UK now anyway!

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Overview

I am an English lady who lived in Bulgaria for 18 months which sadly did not turn out as I had hoped. I was not new to Bulgaria'...