My failed escape plan

My 5 hour ordeal on Valeri's birthday was petrifying and I was in a heightened state of sheer fear, panic and anxiety the entire time, not knowing what he would do to me but knowing he was capable of anything in that delusional state of mind.

I knew he was capable of hurting me very badly and had done so a few times already but I  believed he was even capable of killing me.

When Valeri was like this, I had to do and say whatever it took to try and keep him from hurting me so he would calm down enough for me to reassure him that I was not the most devious and evil person he had ever met who was plotting against him behind his back.

To do this, it usually meant I would have to accept responsibility for his terrible actions by taking the blame  for making him feel bad and causing him to treat me that way for which I had to apologise for  profusely.

The fault was all mine... always!

I would agree to a whole set of requirements he would tell me that I needed to do to be a better person and then he would not have to do this and we would be happy.

Finally, I was able to leave the apartment to take a walk but he wouldn't let me take Lula in case I bolted.

I just wanted to get out of there and have some time to get myself together and out of danger to feel safe again.

Once out of the apartment, after 5 hours of torture at the hands of this aggressive, volatile and delusional man, I finally felt relief that I had been lucky this time that he had not beaten me up or hurt me too severely but I was sure it would only be a matter of time until the next time it happened and that I would not be so lucky.

I called a mutual friend who was aware that Valeri had many problems and asked him to pop by the apartment to see Valeri when I was out and try to ascertain whether he was now ok and whether I would be safe to return after walking and to make sure Lula was safe and if not then I wanted him there so I could  get my things and be able to leave with Lula.

This man who is a very kind person, I had met through Valeri and he had done a few odd jobs for me in the past.

He is a very clever man and I suspect may be gay which is why he is more broad minded and non judgemental than the majority of Bulgarians in the town who turned a blind eye to what I was being subjected to.

Homosexuality like most things that the rest of the modern world has come to accept, is still very much outlawed and disapproved of in Bulgaria with prejudices so deep that being gay is  dangerous to admit and likely to cause much resentment that inevitably results in violent attacks and even murder given that Bulgaria has no penal code to prosecute violence and hate crimes against the lesbian and gay community in addition to no process for domestic violence!

He was older and wiser and Valeri did usually tend to trust his opinion and in the past he had managed to reason with Valeri that its  more likely Valeri's paranoid thinking than me doing all the disgusting things that he had accused me of.  I hoped this time again he would be able to make Valeri see sense and diffuse any chance of the 5 hour ordeal I had just endured continuing and escalating into him dishing out another violent attack on me. I knew if Valeri had suspected I had contacted him that I was running the risk of getting a beating for that too but I was out of options and needed help.

Thankfully it was the right thing to do and Valeri was back to being nice when I got back and had forgotten about how he had felt earlier that day and also unaware of what he had done which was usually the case after. The man stayed for a while after I returned and saw there was no problem before he left.

At this stage in the game, I was not sure if Valeri really was not aware of what he had done after the event or whether it was convenient for him to say he had no recollection to manipulate me into not leaving him.

I had decided though, I was leaving as soon as I had the chance.

I had to find a way to get to Varna with Lula and without him knowing so I could get the car that was in the garage. I would take the risk of driving on a ban and get that car and the hell out of there regardless of what the police had said about not leaving the country as I had waited 6 weeks now for results that were supposed to take 2 weeks and I was in danger!

Valeri was back to being loving and kind so the day after I made up for the shit birthday by decorating the apartment with banners and balloons, making a special birthday breakfast with cake, candles, fresh fruit, croissants and all the things he liked. I wrote a beautiful message to him in a card and when he woke up and came into the lounge, I played happy birthday through the speakers in English and Bulgarian.

I needed to keep him sweet as I had to bide my time and plan my escape with out him suspecting.

Valeri went to sleep in the afternoon so I packed a bag and when I took the rubbish out, I hid the bag under the stairs of the apartment building.

I planned to leave the next morning when he was asleep and get a taxi from the Byala beach resort to Varna.

The next morning I went to leave but he had locked the door and had the key on him. I woke him and told him that I needed to take Lula out and he didnt question it and opened the door.

I took my bag from under the stairs and left to get a taxi...

Sadly though the taxi driver would not allow Lula in the car despite me offering to pay double... No dogs policy was standard for the majority of taxi services and public transport in Bulgaria but I had in the past been able to pay double to the taxi driver to bend the rules however on this occasion he was unwilling due to the length of the journey.

I called the mutual friend and asked if he could take us to Varna to get the car which he said he could probably do the next day but he would let us know.

I did not mention to him at this stage that it would just be me and Lula so as not to put him in a position where he felt he was being disloyal to Valeri and may refuse. I would cross that bridge when it came to go.

For now, I had no choice but to return to the apartment. I was expecting Valeri to still be asleep so I could hide the bag but when I approached, Valeri was on the balcony waiting for me so saw I had a bag with me.

I had to think fast!

I told him that I had gone to the Villa to collect some things in the bag as I wanted us to go away for a few days as a birthday treat as the car was ready to collect in Varna.

I knew that I would have no way of leaving Byala to collect the car now  without having to  leave Lula or without him being suspicious of my packed bag so my only option was to include Valeri so that we could go to Varna to get the car and I could then find an opportunity to get away.

He was of course suspicious at first that my plans were to leave him but I managed to reassure him that I could not drive thanks to the Byala police who had banned me and that I had arranged for our mutual friend to take us both to get it and packed the bag as I hoped that we would have a few days away from Byala after.

Valeri still didnt really believe me until he called the mutual friend who confirmed that I had called and that he would be taking us to Varna the next day!

My plan had backfired but I knew that I would have another chance to get away soon and it would be easier once I had the car back and was not in Byala where the police would surely catch me if I was to drive there.

For now though Valeri would feel in control again and believe that I could go nowhere unless he drove. He was sure that I could not and would not run and risk being caught driving on a ban.. so he was more relaxed!

My passport was due to expire in less than a month so I felt I would have plenty of time to get the chance to escape again so for now I needed to play along to keep him from hurting me or suspecting anything was amiss so he would let his guard down enough for me to go!