The first time he hit me

It was another day with Valeri accusing me of the most awful things and after hours of constant torture, I was exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep.

Valeri was saying to me over and over the date of the 7th November and asking me if I remembered that day and what I did!

I did not remember that date and I was certain that I had done nothing wrong either and he was not telling me what it was I had supposedly done.

He was scaring me and I thought if I went to bed he would eventually calm down and all would be ok the next day.

It was the early hours of the morning and I was half asleep when he entered the bedroom but I quickly came to when he was standing over me and speaking in Bulgarian.
I did not understand what he was saying but I knew that it was not pleasant by the tone of his voice.

I pretended to be asleep and hoped he would get whatever it was off his chest and leave me alone but he didnt.

I felt his fist on the side of my face as he punched me! I was up like a shot and scrambled to the other side of the bed and felt absolutely shocked and terrified.

I was screaming and crying at him to leave me alone and asking why he had done that and was in such a state of panic that I actually wet myself!

He was telling me that I had thought I had got away with treating him so badly on the 7th November and now I would realise that he was not going to put up with it and that I was not so cocky now....

The 7th November was the first time I had shouted at him and that was not without good reason but of course his warped version of events were that I had attacked him for no reason whatsoever as well as laughing at him behind his back with Georgi and it was all part of the plan to destroy him that I was leading so I had to be stopped!

I just couldnt believe he had hit me and I wanted to get out of there but he blocked my attempts to run for the door and threw me to the floor when I tried to jump out of the window.

He then punched me again and again on the back of my head so hard that I was getting blurred vision and was sure I would lose consciousness if he did not calm down so I stayed still, covered my head until he had run out of steam and was totally submissive!

 I  was sure that if I didn't act in an apologetic and subservient way and comply with his demands to finally realise that I had mistreated him that he would hit me again and again until he got what he wanted as he was in a rage that I had never seen before.

I sat on the floor and begged for forgiveness and said whatever I could to make him feel like he was in the right and that I had wronged him terribly and I would never do it again and hoped he would give me the chance to become the person he wanted me to be if he could help me.

Eventually after hours of me saying what he wanted to hear he calmed down and was sorry he hit me and said he would never do it again.

I asked if I could go to the toilet and change my clothes as I felt ashamed that I had wet myself.

He agreed so I seized the opportunity to run and managed to get away via the back stairs before he realised.

I ran to the neighbours and asked them to call the police.

The police came within minutes and took him away much to his surprise. He was sorry and begged me to not let the police take him and said he would get help.

I stressed to the police that he had  done it as he was mentally ill and in need of help but they just ignored this and let him go and within a few hours he came back to my house begging forgiveness and begging me to get him help.

I did not let him in but he came back time and time again day after day pleading and crying for me to help him, promising he would never do anything like that again, saying he would do anything and would see a doctor and get help as he knew he needed help but had been frightened to face it alone. Claiming he had nothing to live for but me and how he hated himself for what he had done and was not sure he could ever forgive himself so eventually I let him back into my life again slowly.

I was taking a big risk and although I was aware that if you had been  subjected to domestic violence once, the probability was that it was likely to happen again, I thought that if he could get the help he needed and was now willing to get then we could put it behind us and it was maybe the wake up call he needed to face his demons which he did not have to face alone now.

It was not a decision I took lightly and he seemed to understand that it would take alot for me to forgive him and trust him again and he was prepared to do what it takes to repair the damage caused and just so grateful for me giving him that chance which he was fully aware he did not deserve!