Just when I thought it couldn't get worse!

I was in a full blown state of panic and screaming at my family, hanging up in floods of tears, calling them back and trying to stay calm only to find myself shouting at them again and either them or me hanging up again and it was getting me nowhere except more and more in a state! I was having  panic attacks and thought I would end up having a heart attack at this rate!

All the suggestions they were making were not an option and I was so tired of having to explain that to them again and again as well as justify I was right to be in the panic stricken state I was in and it was nothing to do with me suffering from mental illness but all about the situation I was in which I cant imagine anyone else who was in this situation would not be acting in the same way that I was! ... stupid suggestions such as I should just go to the police station and tell them they have to take me to the British Embassy in Sofia, go to a tourist centre and ask them for help, just go back to the apartment and don't answer the door to Valeri and in a few days one of my family would try and come over. Go to a hospital! How exactly was not answering the door  to Valeri going to keep me safe when he had already kicked it down and how was I going to survive in that time with no money for food or drink! As for asking the police to help and drive me to Sofia, well they wouldn't help when Valeri had beaten me up and chased me to the police station and told me to go away so they  were not going to say yeah sure we will drive you and your dog the 5 hour trip to Sofia! My family kept saying but they have to help you as they are the police and they could not understand that it wasn't like it is in England in Bulgaria! My brother even suggested that I go to the petrol station and fill up the car and just drive off and sort it when I reached Sofia. I would most definitely
be chased after by the armed security at the petrol station and be shot at before I got to the end of the road!

My family were telling me that I was causing them unnecessary stress and that they could do without it which wasn't exactly helping!

What about the stress I was under! I was not exactly having a ball myself and believe me, I could have certainly done without it all too! After all I was the one living in the nightmare and in very serious trouble and in grave danger! As for going to a hospital, I wasn't ill, I was in fear for my life!

I had to take some time out in the end to calm down and think about what the hell I was going to do as I knew that it was down to me to get myself out of this mess as noone else could help me!

I called the British Embassy in Sofia and explained my predicament to them. Their advice was that I had to get to Sofia to get emergency travel documents and that my family could send money to them for me to collect on arrival but I had no way of getting there without money! They suggested that I ask a friend in Bulgaria to lend me money but I had no friends in Bulgaria! They suggested that they could have travel documents sent to Varna airport if my family could arrange a flight home for me but as I pointed out yet again I had a dog that I could not and would not leave and I had no money or petrol so could not get 50km to Varna airport anyway!

I left it an hour or so before speaking to anyone else as I knew that I would just face the same questions again and have to again give the same answers!

My stepmother called and I spoke to her in a more calm manner even though I was feeling less than calm inside but I knew to show any signs of fear or panic would just lead her to go on about how mentally ill she thought I was. She told me that I had to speak to the British Embassy as they would surely help and when I told her that I had done so and they could do nothing that would help me, her response was that she found that very hard to believe.. I suggested that if she did not believe me then I would give her the name and number of the person I spoke to and she could by all means try and get a better solution from them that I had got!

Of course when she called the Embassy she was told exactly what I had been told!

When she called me back her answer to my problem was that I go to Varna airport and the Embassy would arrange emergency travel documents and my family would book my flight...

I paused before saying anything and instead of get angry I calmy pointed out that I had Lula and was not leaving without her and I had no money or petrol to get to Varna airport!

It was like ground hog day!

I took a walk to clear my head and I saw that a Western Union had been set up in one of the banks which was clearly new and not usual to have in a small town so I finally thought that my luck had changed as I knew that my family could get money to me via the Western Union.

I got the details from the Western Union office I needed to have money transferred to me and my brother agreed to send me enough money for fuel to get to Sofia.

I went from despair to delight in moments and I finally felt like I had a way out now!

Once the transfer was done I went to get the money and all seemed to be going my way until the computer said no! It would not accept my passport as ID due to it being expired by a month!

I didn't loose hope and rang the Embassy who I felt sure would be able to give clarity that I was in the process of getting emergency travel documents to compensate for my expired passport and that this would be sufficient to Western Union to release the funds... but it wasn't and although the Embassy did its best I would not be able to get the money unless I had the new documents in my hand!

I couldnt hold back the tears and I sat in the Western Union office and cried like I had never cried before as once I started I couldn't stop!
The staff were very sympathetic but they were unable to help me.

Just as I left the office still in tears, one of the ladies who worked there came after me and said that she had an idea.. if my brother was to change the recipient of the transfer to her name then she could claim it and then give it to me!

I was so grateful to her that I could have kissed her!

Just before teatime I had the money and filled up the car with petrol and I was finally on my way on the 5 hour drive to Sofia!

The fact that I was driving on a ban was of course a concern due to Bulgaria having many checkpoints which I would have to get through but I knew that if I was sensible and avoided certain routes to Sofia I just might be ok and I was prepared to add another hour or so onto my journey to make sure I had the best chance of reaching Sofia and the British Embassy who would help me get home!