Valeri was in the psychiatric ward

It was over a week before I heard from Valeri again.

I had a call from the psychriatric ward at Varna hospital asking me to call them urgently.

I called back and after a conversation with me speaking to the nurse in my limited Bulgarian I understood that I was to hold while they fetched Valeri to speak with me.

Valeri eventually was put on the phone and I could tell at once he was completely distraught despite  being so sedated and incoherent that he could barely string a sentence together.

He was sobbing and all he could say was I'm sorry, help me please Tammy which he said over and over again until the nurse came back on the phone.

The nurse spoke no English but I finally managed to understand that I was to go to the hospital the next day at 4pm but why exactly was lost on me.

I felt torn as a part of me did not want to go but there was a part of me that felt like I had to just to make sure he was ok as I could not help but feel so sorry for him especially after hearing him in such a state on the phone.

I went to the hospital the next day but I was not prepared for what I had to see.

The ward was more like a prison than a hospital with iron barred locked security doors to enter.

As I approached the doors, I could see about 50 meters down that there was an area no bigger than 3 metres square that I can only describe as a cage and in it were at least 20 people. As I looked at the inhuman scene in total disbelief, I spotted Valeri was in this cage too like he was some kind of animal.

I was taken into a room and waited while the guard collected him.

When he came into the room he was barely recognizable.

He had no shoes on, his clothes were the same ones I had last seen him in and were dirty and ripped. He smelt terrible and his hair was dirty and matted and he had clearly not washed or shaved since being there.

He could hardly walk or stand by himself and was slow and slurring when he was trying to speak.

It was as if he had been given a lobotomy and that he was not there anymore. Just a shell!

I started to cry as he could barely register that I was there.

I gave him a hug and I saw his eyes fill with tears as he finally realised that I was there but he was not responsive in any other way.

He just sat staring into space with tears rolling down his face gripping my hand as if he was a child clinging on to his mother in sheer desperation to be safe.

He put his head on my shoulder and struggling to get his words out, all he could say was please help me, dont leave me here!

After no more than 15 mins they came in to take him back..

Valeri was clinging on to me and crying out No! No! Dont leave me as they wrenched him away.

The nurse gave me a long list of things he needed. The hospital had little funding and even the basics such as toilet roll were not available for the patients.

The nurse also said that meals were very basic and small and just about adequate to serve a purpose to stop them starving so he would be more comfortable if I could get him food too.

When I enquired about him being so heavily sedated and locked up, the nurse told me that the police had beaten him up quite badly before bringing him in which she also said was quite usual and that him being in pain was part of the reason why they had been so heavily sedating him.

I enquired about him or them complaining about the police but she said that although she did not condone it, to complain was pointless as there was noone to complain to and nothing would be done anyway as the mentally ill were not treated well by most and seen as a burden on society. Hence why there was little to no funding for mental health facilities and a lack of staff and poor conditions.

I was led out of the room to leave the ward and I could see Valeri standing in the cage and looking at me through the bars with tears in his eyes. He looked so desperate and without hope as he watched me walk away.

That vision of him will haunt me for the rest of my life!