The cracks started to show

Although Valeri still had his moments of paranoia and insecurities, these were short lived and with reassurance from me, they were dispelled within hours so were of no real concern to me and something I thought would not continue to be a problem in time.

 I hoped as the relationship progressed and he felt secure and comfortable it would go away so I was prepared to ride the storm for now and put up with his outbursts, controlling manner and insults when he was in those moods.

Valeri was perfect in so many ways that it was a small price to pay as his good points far outweighed the bad and I was aware he had had a terrible childhood so felt  it was no wonder he had so many insecurities and a need to feel in control.

 I was certain that these injuries of the past would not be a problem for long when he got to know me better and the trust grew.

Valeri and I took things on the intimacy level very slowly. This was down to me not wishing to rush into a sexual relationship as well as him being quite shy and having concerns due to not having much previous experience and none at all in the past 5 years!
However this was not a concern to me and it was refreshing to be with a guy, sleeping in the same bed and it not be the main focus.

Instead we would kiss and cuddle and talk alot which in some ways felt more intimate and closer than just sex!

Valeri worried about it more than I did but I was happy it would happen when the time was right and thought it better not to force it or for him to put more pressure on himself when I was perfectly happy with things as they were.

All in all the relationship was very good and going in the right direction.

Of course nothing is perfect and there were issues that needed to be ironed out but isnt that the case for any new relationship?

I felt so long as we were able to be open and honest and discuss the little causes of irritation that we both should be willing to find a compromise that was respectful to each others ways and boundaries.

I had pointed out that I would prefer when he was feeling paranoid that instead of accuse me in an agressive or insulting manner, that he just explain he was feeling that way and then we could work out why and try to find a way to nip it in the bud rather than it escalating and resulting in me being castrated or punished for something that more often than not was down to his insecurities and not anything I had done.

My only other big issue was with being told what to do or with him deciding what was best for me without consulting me first! I explained that I had done perfectly well getting to where I was in life for the 40 or so years before he was in my life and as much as I appreciated his input, I would be more appreciative if he could respect my choices and trust that I knew what was best for me in my life as I did his.

There were a few minor issues that niggled me such as him wishing to talk about other people and pointing out their flaws and personal defects which were either his opinion or based on gossip which is a pet hate of mine.

I also asked him to not tell me how I was viewed or what he had heard from others about me as firstly these people did not know me and secondly it was always negative and based on nothing so I was neither interested in their opinions on me or interested in hearing opinions on them or their lives either.

Valeri was obsessed with what people thought of him and was often hurt he was misjudged so I thought he would be far better to stop listening to others when it came to gossip and that way he would stop getting caught up in it all but he was obsessed by it and always trying to set the record straight which I explained just kept it going!

I loved my own space and to pursue my hobbies such as photography, arts and crafts, music and writing but if he felt I was spending too much time doing any of these things he would put a stop to it.

At first it was in a light hearted way such as switching off my music, taking my phone and turning it off when out walking and taking pictures claiming that I should enjoy the view through my own eyes and make a mental picture in my mind. He would say it was not good to be in front of a computer screen too long when I was writing and take it away. My 'work in progress' arts and crafts that I would leave out in my designated art and craft room, he would pack away and on occasion throw away later claiming he thought it was just stuff I didnt want!

To me it seemed that he just wanted attention and some time together so I was not too bothered about it although I was starting to feel like I was having to compromise more than he was.