A game of cat and mouse

After Valeri had burned my documents, which incidentally the police and the embassy knew he had done yet still did not question why or do anything about,  I felt broken  and knew that I would not be able to get away from it all but needed to clear my head until I could try and find a way out of this nightmare.

I was so bloody angry with Valeri, the police and the British Embassy who I felt were not  keen to help because of my positive roadside drug test and seemed to care little about the police using underhand tactics and failure to follow correct procedures despite me telling them.

It seemed to me that I was guilty in everyone's eyes already regardless of the outcome of the blood test results, which I still held out hope may be negative and this whole thing was nothing more than a mistake.

I had been arrested for drug driving due to a roadside test  that there was no grounds to test me for in the first place and could well have been faulty. I was aware the police had lied about being tipped off by a drug dealer in Varna, Valeri had admitted to setting me up due to police pressuring him, he had burned my documents and regardless of all this and as well as awaiting pending results of a blood test that until received meant I could not be  charged with any crime, I was already paying the price with an 18 month ban from driving and my car deregistered and off the road until further notice. I felt like I was suffocating!

What happened to presumed innocent until proven guilty!

I couldnt think straight and I was extremely anxious, not to mention worried sick! I was also so down trodden and exhausted, feeling that I now I had no other option but to tolerate the abuse by Valeri and for now had to just accept it.

I was losing my spirit and the strength to keep going but I just kept telling myself that it would be over soon so I had to stay strong for just a little while longer.

I was isolated, alone and vulnerable in a corrupt and lawless foreign country where anything could happen and had!

I did not feel safe being with Valeri when he could turn at any moment so I was unable to feel safe or relaxed to even stay in my villa or my apartment most of the time as I knew I had noone who was going  to help me.

 I would make a reservation on booking.com for a room most nights as a contingency plan in case he started so I could get away.

I booked myself into a villa in a secure complex for a week in the town straight after Valeri burned my documents and intended to keep away from him and the police whilst I waited for the test results.

Within a few days, Valeri had found me and was pleading with me to not leave him alone as he was scared, promising he would not do anything wrong and was sorry.

Under duress I let him stay at the villa with me but after a few days, he turned on me again resulting in me running to the beach with him in tow where he kicked me repeatedly and wouldn't stop even when a fisherman shouted out to him to leave me alone.

Valeri told me to drown myself that day as he couldnt see how I could live with myself knowing what I had done to him...

Of course he was sorry later and telling me how special I was!

He had an amazing ability to talk me round partly by being relentless and wearing me down and partly by being charming and funny and by playing on my heartstrings as the lost, vulnerable, remorseful and loving fool who had been an idiot to let his feelings for me get the better of him and causing him to do the awful things he did.  However I  mostly let him talk me round because I feared him.

When Valeri was at his best and being nice (and the safest time to be with him) it was usually after he had pushed me to the limit and inflicted the most amount of fear and torture possible. After it had come to a climax he was calm and reasonable for a while so it made life less difficult for me to just accept it and be with him, rather than to fight as although I had good reason not to go back to him, to air that reason was pointless as he would never accept  me wanting to stay away from him and to do so I was running the risk of him erupting again sooner than he would by letting it go.

It was easier for me to play along and forget about what he had done and let him back into my life again as this was safer for a few days anyway because he was usually on his best behaviour and even a pleasure to be with for a few days after he had erupted. Knowing that he would not stop until I let him back again, it was far easier to take those few days of bliss with him rather than rejecting him and paying the price.

I had to bide my time!

I was learning that he could change from being aggressive to back to good in a matter of hours and I just had to get the hell out of there when he was building up to a meltdown and just disappear for a day or so and he would be calm again.

I had no choice but to deal with it which in the main was by suppressing my feelings and emotions and going along with whatever he said and by trying to keep him from losing his temper and when he did, I had to say and do whatever it took to stop him from hurting me until the storm had passed.

Two weeks passed, then three weeks and a month went by but the blood test results were still not received.

During that time I made full use of my  alternative accommodation option via booking.com but after a few days or  whenever Valeri found out where I was, I would leave and go back with him only for me to find elsewhere to stay a few days later.

After running out of options of where to stay in Byala, I walked 5 miles to the next town and stayed there but Valeri found me and I had to return with him.

After 6 weeks of doing this, I had no where left to run to and had lost the will to keep running. The blood test results were still not received so I had to keep going for now.

The garage in Varna  contacted me in this time to say the car I had first bought to get back to the UK in was now fixed and ready to collect but
I was now banned from driving so I was unable to go and get it!

It was the 10th August and the night before Valeri's birthday, and we were at the apartment making plans for the next day.

All was fine to begin with but he started to get agitated and before long he was out of control.

He was in the bedroom and I heard him getting angrier and angrier talking in Bulgarian.

I popped my head in the room and asked if he was ok but he kicked the door shut in my face. I then heard him punch the wall followed by the sound of glass shattering so I was out of there in a shot!

I had a room reserved on booking.com as per usual so I stayed there for the night.

The next day was his birthday so I woke up early and returned to the apartment hoping that he had calmed down with it being his birthday and he would be in a better mood and celebrate it as planned.

When I arrived at the apartment, he was ok at first but then quickly turned on me. I tried to leave but he locked the door. I started to feel panicky and went onto the balcony where he followed and backed me into the corner  and started shouting at me. He punched the wall by my head and I felt that I had to go before he hit me but he wouldn't let me go.

He told me to sit down and shut my mouth and that I would listen to what he had to say and I would answer his questions and tell the truth for once.

For hours and hours I had to sit there and listen to his insults and accusations being interrogated and questioned about the same things over and over again only for him to become more angry and threatening when I was telling the truth as that was not what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear me say that I was a liar, a cheat, a bitch and conspiring against him behind his back to destroy his life. I had done nothing wrong but I felt that I was in the wrong because I was telling the truth and suffering more than if I had of just agreed with him.

He slapped me a few times and threatened to kill me if I didn't tell the truth as he said he knew I was lieing. I even offered to take a lie detector.. I started to cry on a few occasions but he told me that I couldn't do that either and to stop before I made him do something bad to me.

I just took it all and stayed calm but inside I felt absolute hatred for him and I had decided that if he went any further than slapping me, I would either jump from the balcony and kill myself or kill him.

This ordeal lasted for 5 hours and I just had to sit there, listen, and say nothing except answer him in a calm manner and repeat the truth over and over while he told me I was a liar and that if I continued to stick to my lies, he would kill me. I was telling the truth but I was afraid to keep telling the truth again in fear of what he may do.

He finally backed off and I had to apologise to him for making him so angry that he was forced to treat me that way...

I also had to apologise for ruining his birthday!