I hate to admit it but I was also feeling resentment that after everything I had to still be there for him as noone else would be.. I hated myself for feeling that way and I felt guilty for feeling that way but that's how I felt.
I knew that if I did not go to visit him and buy what he needed that I would not be able to live with myself.
I thought that he was mentally ill and that was the reason for all the bad things he had done to me so as much as it was not my problem, he could not be blamed either as he was ill.
I was not happy to see him in such an awful place but I could not help but feel relief that he was not at my home anymore and I thought he would surely now get some help with his issues so I felt the least I could do was to make his time there as comfortable as I could by getting him what he needed and to visit him so that he did not feeĺ abandoned and give up hope.
It was not my fault he was there but yet I felt guilty and responsible nonetheless.
I went to visit him again about 4 days later. He was still sedated and not had a wash or shower.
I took him food and clean clothes and saw him for no more than 15 mins until he was taken back behind the locked doors..
By now he had been there 2 weeks already and all that I saw in this time was him heavily sedated and locked up and deteriorating fast.
I took him food every week as well as food and treats for the other patients too.
After a few weeks when I arrived at the ward, I was greeted with elation and excitement by the poor bastards that were locked up in that cage day and night.
It was so dire for them that their only happiness was me bringing in a few treats like cakes or icecream when I came twice a week. Their faces would all light up when they saw me come into the ward and it was as if it were the only thing they had to look forward to.
Some had been there for far too long and had no chance of getting out as they had clearly been forgotten about and left there without anyone ever coming to visit as it was like they had brought shame on themselves and their families.
It was no different for Valeri either who apart from me was not visited or ever contacted by anyone of his friends or family who also did not even bother to ring the hospital to find out how he was doing..
I contacted the hospital by email, phone calls and tried to speak to someone in charge when I visited in those weeks to find out what was being done to help him and how I could help out but not once did anyone respond to my requests for info and advice.
It was now well over 3 weeks and Valeri was still being heavily sedated and locked up daily. In all that time he had still not once been showered or washed and was still in the same clothes that had not been washed either.
The nurse could tell me nothing and said that I needed to speak to a Doctor who never seemed to be available every time I went there.
My emails and calls had been ignored despite translating them into Bulgarian so I needed to speak to a doctor face to face to get some answers about what was actually happening and how long Valeri would be there. I also wanted to know why he was permanently sedated and permanently locked up.
Above all I wanted to know if I could get Valeri out of there and to a place where he would get the help he needed as a private paying patient.
I had done my research on EU law and human rights for the treatment of mentally ill patients and was aware of what should have been happening in these circumstances but were clearly not!
After being fobbed off and told everytime I went there that the Doctor was not there or not available, I had had enough!
I stood outside the ward and hammered on the door repeatedly until someone would speak to me.
I was told again that the Doctor was busy and could not see me so I refused to leave and just sat down on the floor in protest!
I shouted that I would not leave until I had some answers and that it was inhuman to treat patients like criminals and that they had rights under EU law which Bulgaria had to adhere to and that I would expose to all if I didnt get some answers.
The duty nurse said that they would have to call security if I did not calm down... I agreed to calm down but I said I would not leave however until I had spoken to the Doctor. The nurse informed me that the Doctor would not be available for a long time and I should come back another time but I insisted that I would wait.. and wait and wait and wait is what I did!
Finally after hours of waiting the door opened and the rather irritated Doctor appeared.
At first he said that as I was not related to Valeri he was not able to discuss anything with me and I should ask a relative to contact the hospital on my behalf.
I kept my cool and said he knew that only I had been to visit or enquired about Valeri so I had no hope of that ever happening as his family had left him there to rot! I asked him to at least just talk to me about it at a generic level and let me say what I had observed of Valeri over the 6 months I had spent with him.
I told the Doctor that Valeri suffered with paranoid delusions mainly auditory voices which he would sometimes confuse as my voice therefore thinking it was me saying insulting things to him when I had said nothing or was not near to him. He feared people were conspiring against him and even poisoning him and trying to kill him even me. He speaks to himself outloud and aggressively all the time and see hidden meanings and messages in things such as books, symbols and even photos that were not there. Etc etc.
After my detailed explanation, I told the Doctor that I suspected Valeri was a paranoid schizophrenic.
The Doctor looked extremely surprised and did confirm straight away that he had indeed suspected Valeri may be schizophrenic.
He asked how I had acquired such expertise and knowledge of schizophrenia and whether I had a medical background.
He seemed rather bemused to learn I had taken it on myself to research the subject as my brother suffered with the illness.
The Doctor did not say a great deal more except that Valeri was in the best place as this was the only place that he could get help and although it was not in comparison to the facilities in the UK, it was better than most places in Bulgaria.
The next time I visited Valeri he had showered and was not so heavily sedated!
He of course wasn't able to shave as for obvious reasons razors and any other sharp objects were banned on the ward.
He looked like Jesus!
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