Narcissistic Abuse

My abuser 

It was not until I started to write this blog that I realised that I had been in a relationship with a narcissist and was a victim of narcissistic abuse!

Before my relationship with this man, I had an incorrect understanding of Narcissistic Behaviour;

There are a lot of misconceptions about what narcissistic behaviour actually is and before my experience, I thought
that  narcissism meant nothing more than a person being considerably more selfish and self centred than most, with an over cocky  and over inflated ego that boasted about themselves and perceived themselves as superior having little regard for others. I have added below a link for a more accurate description of narcissism and the traits of a narcissist..
https://fairytaleshadows.com/defining-narcissistic-abuse-pt-1-the-universe-of-false-selves-and-the-construction-of-reality/


https://pin.it/wfw5e4u542x5qe I have made it my mission to learn alot from being abused by a narcissist and about narcissism and have now formed my own opinion of why narcissists do what they do and what drives this behaviour in them. In the main most narcissist behaviour stems from trauma of childhood and not having their needs met and that has left them feeling starved of love and attention with a broken sense of self worth and self loathing that they cannot face so they cut off emotionally and create a false identity for the purpose of manipulation and to control others to gain advantage over them and getting what they want and perceive being entitled to.

My opinion is that narcissists live in the past and relive daily all the wrong doings that they perceive have been done to them through no fault of their own. This constant recall causes constant anger and turmoil in them and the raw emotion is what triggers the uncontrollable rage that they then inflict on the person that they are now with and start to blame for all these wrong doings done by others as well as perceive you by convincing themselves by their deluded thinking as being the same as all those others and like all the others, you are out to destroy their lives, deceive them, cheat on them and take pleasure in seeing them hurting whilst wanting them to fail. Despite in the early days them telling you about the dreadful way others have treated them and you feeling sorry for their pain and intend to do everything you can to show them that they are loveable and were unlucky to suffer such pain inflicted by others and that you will never hurt them and in time will gain their trust and change their ugly view of the world… but their view stays the same and now incorporates you in it as another person who has wronged them without reason and this is after you have done your very best and more than necessary to reassure them and love them.

You start to question if you are now seen as badly as all the others after doing nothing but show kindness, empathy and support, whether these others have been so bad or has he become so damaged that he sees malice and devious behaviour that is not there. Somewhere along the line, the pain he was caused has been so intense that his fear response has been triggered so far off the scale that its now stuck in the most intense mode that perceives danger in everything and everyone which is simply not there so his survival instincts are on red alert and he has to attack and desensitize to protect himself from this perceived danger… the result being he causes intense hurt and pain to others who in turn eventually abandon him or take revenge or have nothing left to give him and have withdrawn from him emotionally.  All of which are seen as acts that are to wrong him so he was right to be fearful and hurt you as you did what he expected in the end, totally unaware that his behaviour caused it as in his mind, he was just protecting himself from danger. This all reinforces his fear that everyone is the enemy and out to get him thus he needs to protect himself and inflict the pain on them and wound them enough to stop them having the power and strength to destroy him or leave him…

When I came across this checklist, I was utterly shocked to find that the man I was with had shown
pretty much every 101 of the signs of abuse that he had inflicted on me.

https://fairytaleshadows.com/101-warning-signs-of-abuse-by-a-narcissist/

https://pin.it/wfw5e4u542x5qe

Overview

I am an English lady who lived in Bulgaria for 18 months which sadly did not turn out as I had hoped.

I was not new to Bulgaria's Black Sea Coast region as for 10 years I had owned an apartment there which I used regularly, even staying there for 6 months at a time on occassion on my own. I felt I knew Bulgaria and the culture well. I had learned to speak enough Bulgarian to get by and was familiar with the Bulgarian way of life.

I knew Bulgarians, in comparison, to the UK, still had a lot of outdated views and prejudices but I had never felt these were directed at British, German or Scandinavian tourists but was well aware of their dislike of Romanians and darker skinned people who were referred to openly as gypsys and niggers.

There also seemed to be some resentment towards Russians who did appear to treat Bulgarians as less superior to them and could be quite demanding!

There were some who resented Americans but most had never met one.
Being English, you are seen as rich and prices for services are inflated accordingly.

However I had the opinion that you could always refuse but in the main even the inflated prices were still very reasonable in comparison to the UK so I was happy to pay them.

Bulgarian customer service has always been somewhat lacking although slight improvements are starting to show.

The demeanor of most Bulgarians is a tendancy not to be too upbeat which you could perceive as being miserable but apparently it is seen as distasteful to be anything more than ok in public as shows of  prowess and boasting about how happy you are and how wonderful your life is  like a personal insult on your life.

I had put this down to all the years of communist rule where to put your head above the parapit was not done as all were equal with individuality going against the communist concept.

In the main I felt safe there and found the Bulgarian people friendly and accepting.

I was aware there was much corruption but I had never experienced the effects of this first hand.

To a degree the country is fairly lawless but to me this was refreshing after being used to the rules on rules and red tap in the UK designed to ensure health and safety and political correctness which I am of the opinion are totally over the top and have gone mad in places.

Bulgaria is a beautiful country and relatively unspoilt with a good climate and over 300 days of the year being sunny and the seasons defined. The cost of living is a third of the UK and with 90% of its produce being naturally organic, to live there in a dream home without having to work was a no brainer and so thats what I did!

Never did I ever anticipate just how bad it would turn out for me.

Instead of the dream life I had hoped for, my 18 months living in Bulgaria ended up destroying my relationship and pathed the way for a violent narcissist to enter and abuse me which left me penniless and having to flee the country in fear of my life as the police failed to protect me and consequently the repercussions of my time in Bulgaria is still destroying  my life now and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future!