BROKEN IN BULGARIA!

I have been back in the UK now for 17 months and although I have healed and come to terms with all that happened in the main, I still have days that bring out memories that I had forgotten which can make me feel anxious and angry about it all but these feelings are short lived. As time goes by it does get easier for me to accept that everything that I own is still out of reach and just left there in my home in Bulgaria which is not secure and more than likely has been burgled by the gypsies and more possibly by Valeri who would think nothing of taking whatever he wanted to feed his gambling addiction or to just destroy when in a moment of paranoia and anger and the likelihood of me ever being reunited with my possessions is very slim and with each day that passes even less likely. Initially when I returned to the UK I had hopes  of being able to go back to my home in Bulgaria but as time has gone on these hopes have faded and I cant see it happening now. My life just feels like ...

  At first when I met my now ex narcissist boyfriend, having no real knowledge of narcissism, I misread the signs that were present in hindsight after learning about narcissism. The biggest one being that he was quite bossy and overwhelming at times when he wanted to do something together and he would not take no for an answer but these things were usually very romantic and adventurous like him waking me up in the early hours to go to the beach to watch the sun rise for example or him turning up out of the blue to take me to a local beauty spot regardless of what I was doing at the time.. he would even clean my villa when I was asleep or not home and once rearranged the cupboards of pans, crockery and utensils etc in the kitchen to be more practical for use which although was better organised, I knew where everything was before so it was a little annoying but I saw this as a kind gesture to please me. However in hindsight he was overstepping my boundaries in reality! His dom...

I knew early on in the relationship with my ex narcissist boyfriend that his behaviour was abusive but sadly I believed that he was suffering from mental illness and quite possibly schizophrenia as he would have episodes of paranoid delusions and it was then when he was abusive which I tolerated for a few reasons. These being that I felt he was ill and therefore not responsible for the abuse and that I could help him and not abandon him like he felt everyone else in his life had always done. I was living in Bulgaria at the time where domestic violence is not seen as a crime and therefore not a police matter so I had no protection or anyone to turn to for help. Bulgaria also has a very draconian attitude towards mental illness and therefore there is little to no help or support for that either.. I believed he was suffering unnecessarily from an illness that with the right treatment would enable him to stop having the paranoid delusional episodes and he would not be abusive. After these...

I was one of the lucky ones to a degree as my ex narcissist boyfriend was unable to shake my self esteem or make me doubt who I was despite his constant accusations, criticisms and mental abuse however he was able to make me feel constantly anxious and on edge and in fear of him being physically violent as he had been on previous occasions and I thought that he was quite capable of killing me when he was in these paranoid, delusional rages which would come from nowhere and at any time day or night! His mental abuse I could handle just about as his words did not effect me and everytime he called me a liar, bitch, whore, cheat, selfish, manipulative etc etc I knew without doubt that I was none of those things and he was unable to hurt me with his words as I saw it as his problem in that he had to result to name calling when he wasnt getting the attention he needed which I saw as childish especially when before and after he was telling me how wonderful he thought I was! What I had trouble...

Sadly I have lost faith in love and romance as the one time I thought it was the real thing and that I had finally met the one who was so perfect for me in every way he turned out to be a narcissist…. When he entered my life he was like the most perfect man in the world! He was kind, considerate and loving. He seemed to have the same morals as me as well as the same interests, intellect and outlook on life. He had experienced many hardships in life that I had such as having an abusive childhood and being cheated on by a partner which I had recently been through and so he was a breath of fresh air in that he was very understanding of how painful these things had been having experienced them himself. He wanted nothing from me at first and he would do whatever he could to make me feel special and to let me know he was thinking of me. He would pick fruit and leave it on my doorstep. He would take me to remote beauty spots to watch the sun rise or set. He would leave little notes for me ...

It was the abuse that my ex boyfriend claimed to have suffered in childhood that made me feel a connection with him and the reason why I let him into my life as I felt like I could help him as I too had suffered from very similar abuse in childhood. I had been fortunate enough to move on from this though by getting the necessary help to heal from it by putting myself through years of therapy which was by no means an easy road but worth it as subsequently I was finally able to put it behind me and go on to live a life beyond my greatest expectations in adulthood. My ex boyfriend was still very much in pain and had not been able to process it and as a consequence his life was still being affected by his childhood which I felt certain that he could recover from with the right help and support which seeing as I had been through what he had and had come through the otherside, I was certain that he could too and that I was probably the best person to help him do this. At first he was n...

Although the term has been around since it was first introduced by the ancient Greeks when according to Greek mythology, narcissus fell in love with his own reflection, narcissism is often misunderstood and is seen in general terms to mean a person who is selfish and self absorbed. Some may be more knowledgeable about the cause of this being due to underlying self esteem and an over inflated ego to compensate for it… thats as far as my understanding went and I too had often misused the term to describe the people who I had come across that were selfish and self centred and those who tended to feel the need to boast about themselves and their material riches in favour of acknowledging the qualities and riches of others! I had no idea how much more to it there was or how damaging these people could be until I ended up in a relationship with a narcissist boyfriend! In fact I was so ignorant to what a narcissist was that it wasn't until the relationship was over that I was to realise ...