BROKEN IN BULGARIA!

When I was in the relationship with my ex narcissist boyfriend I couldn't think straight as I was constantly in fear and anxious and in a state of high alert waiting for the next attack. Also when in the relationship with a narcissist you are not able to express your true feelings and emotions for fear of the repercussions so I wasn't able to think or feel straight and in constant fear in the end. It sends you crazy and your thoughts become disorientated and you start forgetting even basis things as your brain has to function in survival mode and therefore will make head space in order to do this. I was living in fear that he was quite capable of killing me as I had felt close to being killed by him in the past when he had lost control and had raged like a wild animal when he was in a paranoid and delusional state and convinced himself that I was working for the ‘system' to destroy him so therefore felt he would have to kill me first! Once I was out of the relati...

You may not ever know for sure whether your abuser is a narcissist but thats not important!  The one big lesson I had to learn the hard way by being in an abusive relationship with a man who turned out to be narcissistic was that there is no excuse for abuse, its not your problem and not your responsibility to fix his issues and certainly not for you to be used for him to take it out on!  By all means you can support him if he decides to seek help but he has to do it to help himself and if he doesn't want to get help when knowing that he could lose you, he is certainly not likely to seek help while he knows that you will tolerate it and clearly doesn't care enough about what he is putting you through if he is continuing to behave that way towards you and hasnt tried to get help to stop! Therefore this may well mean he is a narcissist but it doesn't matter what label can be assigned to him as it doesn't make it right nor is it going to give him the excuse to abu...

When I was with my narcissist boyfriend and he had beaten me as well as mentally abused me to the point of me feeling that I was going crazy, I had so much anger inside me that I wanted to kill him, even contemplating for a split second about throwing an electrical device into the bath whilst he was in it as well as having thoughts of stabbing him if he hit me again which I couldn't actually go through with when it came down to it but I did on one occasion fight back and I did so as I believed he was going to kill me and it was either going to be him or me. However I did question after these events whether I was any better than him for allowing myself to be pushed enough to lose control and becoming quite capable of acting exactly how he was, especially when I was aware that narcissists are often the way they are due to some sort of abuse that had occurred in their childhood! My abuse was happening to me as an adult and yet still I had been pushed to the point where I too was qu...

I have been out of the relationship with my ex narcissist boyfriend for nearly a year now and I still have no desire to have a relationship with anyone at the moment. What I learned from being with my ex narcissist boyfriend was that I was stronger than I realised and that there is nothing that life can throw at me now that I don't feel like I could survive. I have been through hell and I have lost everything because of it and I was shown very little support from my family and friends during the abusive relationship and after I got myself out of it. I therefore have realised that the only person I can ever count on is me and knowing this has made me feel empowered and that I am enough. I also have learned that I will always put myself and my needs first now and will think twice about helping others in the future as when the time that I needed help came after I had done so much for others, there was noone there for me!

My ex narcissist boyfriend was able to make me feel like the most important person in the world and was loving attentive and caring as well as romantic. During these times, I felt blessed and I was totally in love with him and would have been happy to spend my life with him. When we spoke about marriage and having a family together I had no reservations whatsoever about this being part of our future together. Valeri would refer to me as his wife and would introduce me as his wife on meeting new people. Valeri had the ability to make me feel like the star of my very own romantic movie and like the luckiest girl on the planet. He would arrange candlelight picnics on the beach in summer where we would swim and lay down under the stars. He would take me to remote beautiful places to watch the sun rise or set. He would come to my home and leave love notes or a flower on my pillow in the night when I was sleeping or built a fire so that I would wake up in the warm and there was so...

My time in Bulgaria  where for over a year I was a victim of domestic abuse and violence at the hands of a Bulgarian man, I witnessed first hand the fear and helplessness of knowing there was nowhere to go and noone to turn to for help, not even the police! Instead they saw me as the problem for constantly requesting them to do something about an issue that was nothing more than day to day life in their eyes, branding me a trouble maker trying to make a scandal out of nothing and presuming I was not normal and taunting me.  Subsequently warning me from calling them again with implied threats. This following article sadly illustrates the domestic abuse and violence issues and the challenges in Bulgaria to change a mindset of an entire culture where not only does this occur frequently, most perpetrators and victims (or the police) are not even aware that its abuse or wrong and an infringement of their basic rights as a human being. July 28, 2018 Yoan Stanev Human rights...

Valeri and I  The pages of my blogsite were  written in order of the events that occurred so I recommend that to make sense of it all you need to read them in chronological order. Although they provide an honest, accurate and detailed portrayal about many events that occurred during my time in Bulgaria as I recall them, sadly there were far too many events to possibly include them all and so I have written about the times that my mind brought to the forefront of my memory when I felt the need to write about it to process and heal from it all in a therapeutic way which writing has always helped me to do. I must confess that I have written about it primarily for me and not with the reader in mind so my apologies if you find some parts a little tedious. By doing it this way, without having to consider whether it was going to be of interest to others, I was able to write about it in a brutally honest and raw way, using the exact words and events  that were coming ...